


Never Let Go

by wintersoldier17



Series: Stucky (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Remembers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Married Couple, Past, Protective Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersoldier17/pseuds/wintersoldier17
Summary: Bucky still remembers everyone he had assassinated as the Winter Soldier and his past comes back to haunt him. He thinks he doesn't deserve Steve. Steve, on the other hand, thinks otherwise and refuses to let go.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Stucky (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160141
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Never Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Accompanying art drawn by me. You can find the art post in my tumblr blog - @odetolove06

Bucky stared at the snow, blanketing the neighborhood in an ethereal white, making it look like something out of a fairy-tale. 

  
But he couldn't enjoy the beauty of it. His mind wouldn't let him. It took delight in holding him captive within its darkest recesses, whose walls were made from the memories he wished he could forget. 

  
The cries of the people he was forced to kill. 

  
_It's too loud._

  
The silence made it worse.

  
He hated the silence. Hated being left alone to fend for himself against his thoughts. His nightmares. Regret weighed like a mountain on his shoulders. More than that—fear. Fear that he would lose control again. That he would make the same dangerous mistakes he had before. That he would hurt someone. 

  
Or worse, the man he loved. 

  
He shut his eyes. _Make it stop_.

  
A pair of strong yet gentle arms coiled around his waist from behind. He felt Steve's soft lips on his neck, planting tender kisses. And just like that, as if by magic, his mind fell into silence. The voices in his head drowned out, save for one, whispering one word:

  
_Steve._

  
Bucky blinked away the tears that formed in his eyes. Steve was the anchor that kept him in the present. He didn't know what it was about his love that brought his emotions to the surface. Perhaps it was the warmth, the sincerity, or the promise of never letting go. He never believed he deserved any of it.

  
_Why is Steve wasting his time with a lost cause like me? He's better off without me._

  
"I'm not sure it's a good idea for us to be together," he said. 

  
"Why do you say that?" Steve asked, his voice soft and soothing.

  
"I told you, I don't trust my own mind. I keep expecting it to break. And I'd... do something bad." 

  
"No, you won't. Not when I'm here. We've been through this, Buck. In fact, we've been through so much. And we can go through so much more."

  
There was that stubbornness again. Ol' Captain Rogers and his 'I can do this all day' attitude. He had to realize that some things couldn't be fixed, no matter how hard you try.

  
"Stop." Bucky turned around to face him. "Just stop. Are you so blind? I almost tried to kill you several times!"

  
"But you didn't," said Steve.

  
His stark blue eyes, framed by dark lashes, were all the hues of the sea. This close, Bucky saw the shards of grey in his irises. And it was perfect, since Steve himself was like water—gentle, but when provoked, was capable of destroying entire cities in his wake. He was a torrent Bucky would willingly drown in. 

  
He caught a glimpse of the sleek strands of Steve's golden hair. Then let his eyes travel down to his eyebrows, which were knitted together in concern. Down to his pink lips. He missed the beard but he found him beautiful with or without it. He saw the depth of his love in those bright eyes and it overwhelmed him. Made it so much harder. Because if he ended up hurting Steve, he would never live with himself. 

  
"What if I do?" he asked. "What if I lose myself for good? I'd become a mindless killer again and you wouldn't be able to save me this time. What then?"

  
Steve's lips parted, almost in disbelief. Like Bucky had uttered something he shouldn't. 

  
"I'll still be here," he replied. "Fighting for you. There's nothing you can say that'll drive me away. I'm not giving up on you. Not now. Not for the rest of my life."

  
His conviction rendered Bucky speechless. The tears he tried to fight back made their way out.

  
He caught the first tear with his thumb. "You deserve better.”

  
"The only reason my life's been worth living is because of you," said Steve, holding his arms. "I don't want better. I want you. As you are, and everything you can be. And I will not lose you again. That's all we're going to say about it."

  
"What if I hurt you? Or worse?"

  
"You won't. You can't get rid of me that easy."

  
Bucky let out a defeated sigh. "Till the end of the line then?"

  
Steve smiled. The kind of smile that set everything right. "Till the end of the line."

  
He wrapped Bucky in a firm embrace, and his smile faded. Because his love had no idea how crucial he was to Steve's life. The Captain spent decades in solitude. Only he knew what it was like to spend nights alone in bed, haunted by thoughts of Bucky, craving for a chance to see him again, to touch him again. 

  
He'd be damned if he let go of him.

  
Bucky hugged him tighter, burying his face in his shoulder. His chest felt lighter, like a burden had been lifted from his heart. 

  
And for the first time in a long time, the silence was peaceful.


End file.
